


Cool Hawke has Chill Day Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

by Mème Brûlée (trixsters)



Series: Cool Hawke has Chill Day [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Domestic, Fluff, Gen, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 21:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5307275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixsters/pseuds/M%C3%A8me%20Br%C3%BBl%C3%A9e
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The elves try to fuck up Anders's shit and it's up to Asshat to bust them</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cool Hawke has Chill Day Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

One day, another day suitable for having a chill day in Kirkwall, the Hawkes were having another calm day together. Mostly. Sweet, precious angel, Bethany stood next to her eldest brother, Asshat, leaning over the railing and speaking with him.

"Why are you doing this, Asshat? It's not like they've done anything wrong," she reasoned. He looked like he was going to shit.

"Not….yet! But I know that they're going to! Just watch! Look at their smug faces!" Asshat whisper-shouted, pointing at the two adopted Hawkes. The elves were lying next to each other calmly by the hearth, minding their own business and calmly discussing how nice it was to have such a relaxing day such as this. Bethany looked at the demure elves, then back at Asshat and gave him a look.

"What's threatening about them having a nice day?" she asked, exasperatedly. She was 8 years younger than him, but she often wondered how he could possibly be older than any of them. Even that tit, Carver, was more mature than him, and he was the youngest brother!

Suddenly, Cool Hawke sat up on her elbows and looked excitedly at her technically-not-related-but-still-twin-brother and whispered, "Sam! I know what we're going to do today!" (A/N: Money Hawke's real name is Sam(; ) Money Hawke loked up at her, questioningly. "We're gonna fuck up Anders's shit!" she replied with a vengeance gleaming in her eye. Hoo boy she couldn't stand Anders. Not after The Incident. (A/N: This takes place before the end of Dragon Age II so it's not that incident)

Money Hawke sighed. He knew exactly what this was about. "Linaerys, (A/N: that's Cool Hawke's name) I know you're just mad because you screwed him and that makes you a mage-fucker," he said to her disarmingly.

"No I'm not! And I'm not a mage-fucker! I'm a Templar!" she spat back, embarrassed. "Damn…you're a mage-fucking Templar….." Money Hawke replied. Before Cool Hawke could bolt up and leave out of anger, he stopped her. "I'll help you fuck his shit up though, I don't care what the reason is. I don't even need one in the first place, to be honest." As they got up to leave, Asshat looked at Bethany and gasped.

"You see! I've gotta find Mom! _MOM!"_ Asshat ran off in search of Leandra before Bethany could stop him. What the fuck, he's 27 years old, he should act like it.

 

~* time skip brought to you by Isabella *~

 

Anders couldn't believe it. "No…NO!" he shouted, "I thought we were friends!" Cool Hawke felt 1/3 of an emotion towards him, her ex-boyfriend, for about 0.02 seconds, but then started laughing uncontrollably. "I…I don't know…I DON'T KNOW!" her smile faded and she turned away from him, very conflicted all of a sudden. Money Hawke really didn't have the time for all of this drama and he smoothly combat-rolled the fuck outta there. There was a grim silence in the room as Cool Hawke sorted out her feelings toward the disgusting mage. "Fucking mages," she finally whispered before making a taunting face at Anders and shouting "NERD" at him, running away in her Cool Templar Armor. Anders cried.

 

~*Time Skip brought to you by varric!*~

 

Asshat, having finally found Leandra, burst in the room, shouting, "MOOOOOOM! LINAERYS AND SAM ARE FUCKING UP PEOPLE'S SHIT AGAIN!" in a really childish tattle-tale voice. "Asshat, don't be ridiculous," said Leandra, turning around, "How can they be doing that when they're right here?" Leandra pointed at her two adopted elf children, who were calmly lying by the hearth, discussing what a chill day they had.


End file.
